I’ve been thinking a lot about jealousy lately. And resentment (which is related to jealousy). And comparisons (yep, also related). I sometimes reflect on the times when jealousy has blocked my progress in life. To my credit, it became clear to me early on in my adult life that jealousy is the number one thing that seems to hold people back in life. Honestly, instead of facing and conquering jealousy, it was simply easier to put up walls and avoid situations that might cause it. But jealousy is an emotional cock block that won’t let your unique potential breed with your gritty determination. It’s a happiness squasher, a destroyer of adventure. Jealousy is insecurity disguised as an ugly yet acceptable excuse. Jealousy is fear. Jealousy is a vicious ugly green eyed monster telling us that we aren’t enough and a deceptively beautiful creature flashing her green eyes and reassuring us that it is someone else’s fault that we aren’t enough. Jealousy allows you to say “Oh, look at her…she’s so lucky that she gets to do that, I could never get to do that.” Translation: “I’m too terrified that I might fail at trying to do that.” Jealousy says “shit, I can never compete with her because she is so lucky to be thin and brunette and have those little perky boobs.” Jealousy is a fucking loudmouth too. She desperately screams in your heart, blocking out all the other whispering messages telling you how beautiful and amazing and clever and witty and strong you are. Jealousy says “don’t bother trying because even if you succeed, someone luckier than you will steal it away.” Jealousy tells Potential to come back later because we don’t know what in the world to do with her yet.
We are jealous of others for what they have, what they own, what they do, who they have, and how they excel. We tell ourselves they are simply lucky and “I just don’t get to have that, own that, do that, be with that person, or be good at that.” By the way, “lucky” is the term miserable jealous people who do nothing to change their own circumstances use to describe those who are seem happy as a result of making positive changes to their own circumstances. So we don’t bother to try. We don’t bother to figure out if what they have is even what we want. We don’t bother to figure out if it something we might be able to have if we work hard enough. We don’t even bother to consider if they sacrificed something to get it that we simply aren’t willing to sacrifice.
Jealousy is pathetic. Sorry to be harsh, but seriously, it’s true. Jealous people are annoying to be around because they are so miserable. They make terrible friends because they are so tied up into their “woe is me” laments they will never notice when you need them. They are untrustworthy because you know they will throw you under the bus in an instant to make themselves feel better. They never give credit where it is due citing “good luck” and they never take responsibility for themselves citing “bad luck.” So, if you find yourself often thinking negatively about those around you because of their good luck or thinking that you’ll never get ahead because of your bad luck, then I am apparently talking to you. And I’m pretty sure you were intended to be just a little less pathetic and whole lot more awesome. I don’t claim to be the expert on how to deal with jealousy, but well, I’ve made a lot of progress in my life, and frankly, I’ve found a lot of power and freedom the more I make that green eyed monster my bitch in my life. Stay tuned for some future ramblings on the subject. As soon as I get lucky enough to have some more spare time to write (snicker..see what I did there?).
“Omg, I hate her.”
I read an author (Donald Miller) who claims that comparison is the fundamental element of the human condition. I guess if you are able to get beyond that, you’ll be superhuman.
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