The Stacy Rule of Flair

“I don’t have a thing to wear!” How many times have we said this out of frustration and total despair? What we really mean is “I don’t have a thing to wear that makes me look the glamorous cover girl that I really wish I was!” Unless you are saying it because your luggage got lost and you actually gave someone the shirt off your back and you are now walking around naked….then you might actually mean it. But when I wail, “I don’t have a thing to wear” I am actually saying “I don’t like me today.” I don’t like how I look. I’m fat. I’m ugly. I’m not good enough. Has anyone ever said to you “oh, honey, you would look great in a potato sack.” Uh, no. I wouldn’t. No one would look good in a potato sack. Potatoes don’t even look good in a potato sack!

Here’s the deal. I woke up this morning in a goddamn whiny ass funk. I woke up an hour before my alarm just laying there thinking “I should get up and work out.” Then I kept laying there. Then when my alarm inevitably went off, I hit snooze. And laid there some more thinking “I just don’t wanna.” Dragged myself up, took a shower, got the coffee started, and went and looked in my closet. Ugh. Boring. The same worn out clothes I’ve always had. Nothing fun. Nothing new. Which, frankly, is fine, because at least it reflects how I feel about myself. Nothing fun. Nothing new.

This mental state is what we call, in clinical terms, “in a funk.” Even those generally cheerful and happy and flouncy and shit occasionally suffer from this Funkenstate. We all occasionally channel our inner Bride of Funkenstein. The best way to handle it is basically, well, just get over it. Get your ass outta bed and find something to wear. First priority, just cover your body. Unless you are going to the Nudist Conference and Camp Jiggles-a-Lot today, just find some underwear, pants, and shirt. Cover that sweet ass up.

Then…..and this is where is gets annoying but strangely effective…..apply the Stacy Rule of Flair. When you are feeling crappy, boring, ugly, or otherwise blah, you OVERcompensate from said lack of fabulousness by FLAIR. Flair it the fuck up, sweet cheeks! You’ve already got your boring ass earth tones on…now find some jewelry, some dangly earrings, some purple eye shadow, a more colorful scarf, or throw a flower brooch into your boring but efficient ponytail. You can say “I’m just not feelin’ it today.” I don’t care. You don’t have to feel it. You just have to do it. Get over yourself. Bring some spring. Spread the cheer. No belief required. Only action. However you wanna put it. Try it. I dare ya.

You don’t need to be a cover girl. There are more than enough cover girls out there (and frankly, they are insignificant enough that I can’t even think of any of them by name right now). What the world really needs is more of YOU. Your awesomeness, your fabulous smile, your gritty determination to make the best of today despite the fact that you wanted to stay in bed and cry and have someone bring you bacon and chocolate, your own quirky style, YOUR FLAIR. I’m not leaving my house today without it. And I’ll be looking for yours.382210_10151348486296129_404640133_n

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